Tuesday, 8 April 2008

Most non-triumphant

INT: Suburban Garage (American)
BILL is staring at old concert posters when TED enters:

TED: Bill my friend?
BILL: Yes, Ted my friend?
TED: Do you remember our most excellent adventure?
BILL: Yes, Ted, and it was indeed most excellent. Alas, as the sequel proved, it's bodaciousness was unrepeatable.
TED: That is a heinous truth dude, but one I am sad to say is not widely recognised.
BILL: For me Ted it is all too widely recognised, as witnessed by my most non-triumphant career trajectory ever since.
TED: Truly, your agent dude has been most lax. [A thought slowly dawns] Unlike mine. [Air guitar riff]
BILL: Dude! Don't make me bring up Johnny Mnemonic.
TED: Sorry dude. But I came here with news. Oh yeah! Those Hollywood dudes are totally remaking our most excellent adventure.
BILL: No way!
TED: Way, dude. Our adventures through time and history are being "reimagined" for a new generation.
BILL: I'm confused Ted. Wasn't the original only made 17 years ago? Those Hollywood dudes must be nearly as out of ideas as we were.
TED: It is true, Bill - this decision shows a most non-triumphant lack of creativity. But I hear they will make us 21st Century dudes, in order to hide this woeful failing of imagination.
BILL: Dude! We are totally emblematic of early 90s California. Check out the hair!
TED: Sad to say Bill, the hair - and the clothes - will be most heinously updated. It is even possible that they will no longer ask people to be excellent to each other. But that is far from the worst news. Do you remember our band?
BILL and TED: WYLD STALLIONS! [air guitar riff]
TED: Wyld Stallions [mini-riff] are no more dude.
BILL: No more?
TED: Hollywood dudes were most non-satisfied with Wyld Stallions [mini-riff] as a band-name. New Bill and New Ted's band has been most heinously re-titled.
BILL: I am almost afraid to ask what those Hollywood dudes came up with, Ted.
TED: You are right to be afraid, Ted my friend. New Bill S Preston and New Ted Theodore Logan together will be: Atomic Gorilla
BILL: Atomic Gorilla?
TED: Atomic Gorilla, dude.
BILL and TED: Bogus!

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